November 8, 2011

What What in the Butt

While talking about anal sex may still be a taboo back in the States, there don’t seem to be any taboo sexual topics in France, including anal.

In my extended group of French friends everybody seems to know who’s done it, how many times, and with whom. And nobody is afraid to talk about it. Most people have at least given it a try, if not discovered that they enjoy it and continue to have it in their sexual repertoire.

At first I thought this might just be because the French are open-minded, sexually free beings and Americans are Puritan prudes.

Now I know better. I think they’re so open to anal sex because they are used to sticking things in their butts from a very young age.

Somehow the topic of suppositories came up in conversation one day with FBF. I was prescribed suppositories once in my life, when I lived in America, and it was for a butt related problem (yes, I had hemorrhoids). When FBF talked about having taken suppositories, I assumed it was for the same reason. Why else stick medicine up there?

Fast forward a month or so later, FBF and I were talking about pregnant women suffering from hemorrhoids. FBF was going on about how horrible they must be, when I had to interrupt him. “Mais, je croyais que tu les as eu?” (But I thought you already had them?) I asked.

Quoi? Les hémorroïdes? Moi? Non, jamais. Pourquoi tu croyais ça?” (What? Hemorrhoids? Me? No. Never. Why’d you think that?)

Bah quand on a parlé des suppositoires tu as dit que tu les avais déjà pris” (well when we talked about suppositories you said you’d already had them).

Oui, mais je les ai prit pour les autres maladies.” (Yes, but I had them for different problems).

This is when I learned that in France, suppositories aren’t just for butt problems. They are for all types of problems. Especially for kids.

It turns out that FBF was given suppositories to fight against fevers when he got them as a child.

Kids getting stuff stuck up their butt doesn’t stop there. Not only is their medicine shoved where the sun don’t shine, but French children have a third option when getting their temperature taken at home.

They have the two we’re familiar with in America, under the armpit or under the tongue, but they also have the option of sticking a thermometer somewhere Americans don’t.

The French stick their thermometers in their children’s behinds. So you might want to think twice before taking one out of a French medicine cabinet and sticking it in your mouth.


  1. It's a taboo subject? Hmm...didn't know that. Though I wasn't expecting to see "Anal Penetration" in my Reader this morning. :o)

  2. Joshua: Well when I asked my best American friend what she thought about it she didn't seem to think it was taboo, but I've only ever talked about anal with my really close friends back home, while here I know facts about people whose lack of closeness wouldn't merit such discussion back home. I'm glad it isn't a taboo subject for you though. It shouldn't be! Everything's cool as long as it's consensual in my book.

  3. we have 2 thermometers at home for exactly that reason!

  4. First thing I've read today and I'm chuckling to myself and dribbling coffee down my chin.
    I'm dreading the day that a French doctor prescribes me a suppository (probably for like, a throat infection). I'm sure my reaction will be priceless.
    (And you just know Keith at a Taste of Garlic is going to be all over this post!)

  5. Did you ever see 2 Days in Paris where Adam Goldberg's character puts his French girlfriend's thermometer in his mouth and she says "I don't usually use this for the mouth."?

    I love that scene!!!

    This post reminded me of that. : )

  6. You know, I find it hilarious that FBF doesn't want his picture on the blog, but this is okay! Hahaha, ohhhh, the French.

  7. MilkJam: Glad to know it! I'd hate to have to use the same one on both ends... haha.

    Sara Louise: Thanks! I hope that day never comes for either of us. So far I've avoided having to stick medicine up my butt while living over here.

    MademoisElla Coquine: I haven't! But I can imagine it. I hope that never happens to me!

    Kaley: I hadn't thought of it like that! But in fairness it's just normal over here... the French are so weird.

  8. Well my goodness!

    I learn something new everyday! I tend to agree with you...the French aren't afraid to discuss anything! Everything is on the table. LOL


  9. Haha, I can totally relate!

    I had a sore throat that was itchy and scratchy, so I asked my husband (french) to stop by the pharmacy for me thinking he could just buy some lozenges or a spray.

    Needless to say, what the pharmacist suggested and my husband bought is still in our medicine bag!

    It still boggles my mind: how can something stuck up *there* help my scratchy throat?

  10. V had suppositories when he was a tiny baby and it was HORRIBLE. They smelled like sausage and you had to hold your finger over the blow hole and wait because he'd spit them back out! They were antibiotics.

    For taking temperatures, I think that's slowly becoming a thing of the past here. All of my doctors take V's temp under the arm and then add .5 to the temp. They say it's not good to go the back door route anymore because it can cause tearing and infection.. took them long enough to figure that much out!!

  11. #1. Your title is priceless!
    #2. I hope I never learn this about any of our french friends here (remember the age of my pottery classmates? gross)

  12. LOL. So true, so true. I always refuse "suppos" for myself & my kids, no matter how much the doctor or nurse insists it's a more effective way to take medicine. No, thank you!

    We did do the thermometer thing when our kids were babies, per the maternity ward nurses to be sure their body temp was high enough for a bath in the first few days. But we've since graduated to the under-the-arm or ear thermometers, thank goodness.

  13. Kris: I enjoy their openness up to a point... but there are some things I'd rather not share with the family-in-law, haha.

    Katie: Goodness! I've lucked out so far and haven't been given suppositories for any of my illnesses out here. I don't really get how it works either. It has something to do with the bloodstream. I hope your husband went back to the pharmacy and picked up something more suitable!

    Amber: I remember you telling me about little V's suppositories. Yet another reason not to have a baby (in France), haha. I'm glad to know that the temperature thing is going out of style. Although at the doctor's offices I've always gotten my temperature taken in my ear, and FBF said it was the same for him.

    chickster: Thank you! I assume you've seen the youtube sensation?

    Also I wouldn't want to know about the sexual happenings of your pottery classmates either, haha.

    Alisa: I'm glad they let you choose! I was afraid they'd just prescribe them to you and make you deal with it. As far as taking my temperature, I did under the tongue at home, and then in the ear at the doctor's office.

  14. "In my extended group of French friends everybody seems to know who’s done it, how many times, and with whom. And nobody is afraid to talk about it."

    Oh dear God, i never *ever* talked about it with my friends and i hope i'll never have to. I'd be mortified! I'm not prude at all but this subject is so very private. To be honest, i don't like to talk about sex with my friends in general. Or at least the subject shall not concern someone in particular...

    As for the suppositories, it feels like a childhood nightmare! When i have kids, i'll never let them go through this, lol! Not only is it embarrassing for them, but it's also very uncomfortable and unpleasant for the parents who have to do the "dirty work" (especially when the kids struggle). Can't count how many times i was prescribed this when i was young... Suppositories should be banned, really!

    And indeed, the French stick their thermometers in their children’s behinds. And if the said children are very unlucky - which they probably are! - they're subjected to the suppository torture right after! And they say we live in a modern world...

    Anyway, i had a good laugh reading your post! :-)

  15. Laugh out loud funny! Keep writing! Love Dad

  16. I love this! I was looking for something about "day in the life" of French kids…and this is what I found :) That's totally cool, though. Thanks for the giggles!

  17. Blowjobs (pipes) have come up in coversations with drunk, cheeky French friends but, anal?, jamais! I thought it was taboo here as well. I'm from NYC so everyone gets it up the butt there (and I don't mean medicinally); it's not taboo at all LOL.

    I didn't know that about treating French kids... I will have to talk about that with my Frenchman later. Any excuse to talk about ass and I'm there.

    P.S. I recently told a French man that his G spot is in his.. you know.. and he was shocked. I don't know if this is a well-known thing... But I thought everyone knew this! Or maybe I've hung out w/ way to many gay guys. Qu'est-ce que tu penses?

    P.S.S. Keith is gonna' LOVE this post!

  18. And I'm SO glad I wasn't in France as a kid. AWKWARD!!!!

  19. grenobloise: you know, now that I think about it, I've never talked about blow jobs with my French friends... I must get on that! Haha. And yeah, I thought everybody knew about the boys G spot being up their behinds. But then again, a lot of times, things i think are universal knowledge, FBF is surprised I know and/or doesn't know, so clearly France and America have different standards for it.
    And yeah, I'm more than glad I wasn't a kid in France! I wouldn't have wanted to take my temperature from down there....

  20. Emmie: Thank you! Glad I could provide you with some giggles :)

    Mike: Thanks for the encouragement :)

    Marianne: Thanks

    Emilie: Oh really? Well maybe my French friends are more vulgar than yours? Or perhaps it's an age difference thing?


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